| Hi,My wife' mother died Friday, I think it was. I heard a loud sound early in the morning, and went back to sleep. I heard it again. It was my wife. The women in my wife's people-group wail when they cry over a loved one. I'd never seen her do it that I can recall. I went into the other room, and she and her cousin who was staying with us were both doing it. They were grieving over the loss of my mother-in-law. So she flew to the town where he parents lived. I flew out the day after. Basically, their custom is for the family to stand on one side of the coffin with the people-groups traditional cloth, the ulos, on their right shoulder. Men were hats with a bit ulos triangle on them and the women wear gold bands on their heads, the family that is. Then, the families of the various people-groups they are related to come to visit. The bereaved children (not the spouse) of the decased dance as music plays (not much foot work, mainly hand motions) making hand motions for giving or receiving. The family then dance going backward as the visiting family dances forward. The bereaved stand on the other side of the coffin from the visitors and say their condolences in Batak or give advice to the children on how to treat heir remaining parent. Depending on the relationship, the children of the bereaved either dance over there and receive ulos and then either dance around and give out money, or else receive it. It is a long and exhausting ordeal. They stay up all day doing that, and it goes till late at night. Extended relatives stay in the bereaved's house. It is hard to find a place to store bags. People have to find some little spot on the floor to sleep on. The family is tired from dancing around all day. And the stuff that happens in the day, in our case, was in an non-airconditioned house with people smoking up the place with clove cigarettes whenever there was a little break. The family was exhausted from having no place to sleep. My 9-month-pregnant 40+year-old sister-in-law was exhausted. I tried to talk her into going out to a hotel, but she wouldn't because she was the host, and kept serving people. In the midst of all this, I didn't have much of a chance to talk with my F-I-L, B-I-L's, S-I-L's and barely got to speak to the new S-I-L one of them had married or to get to know their children. I was only there a day and I was plumb wore out. My wife was tired. We got to sleep in a relatives house with A/C and a couple of nice matresses on the floor with my son. He was there two days and got sick one day.Anyway, please pray for the family. I came back to work with my son who got back to his studies. Fortunately, my sister-in-law stayed home and didn't take the 7 hour trip up into the mountains where it gets cold at night for the actual burial. My wife went up and she's exhausted. I hope her dad's health holds up well. It must be a rough on the children as well. Anyway, please pray for all of them to stay healthy and to survive the ordeal of being comforted by relatives and following their tradition. Also pray for provision, since feeding everyone and giving out money in addition to burial is expensive. If I died in Indonesia, I'm going to have to let my family know that I want absolutely no smoking at the funeral. That's one of the worst parts of it |