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What is a "Certified" Ordained Minister in the COG?

Acts20.com NEW Acts-Celerate

I was lookin at a COG website just now an seen the follerin statement on the pastor’s page,

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  1. It means the minister takes the AB’s dog to the groomer , picks up his dry cleaning, and spends more time hanging around in the State Office than his local church.That, my friend, is the basis of said certification. Alas, since I will never do any of the above, I will never reach the summit of certification. I’m content with being a doctor from an unaccredited institution of higher learning. All it took was a swipe of my debit card and I gained instant credibility. Certification ? We don’t need no stinking certification

  2. Heirarchy of the Church; { As seen from the top }DoctorCertified Ordained Minister { Newly added }Ordained Minister MinisterPew SetterJanitorGarbage ManPotato Peeler………InstigatorNay sayer…

  3. Now, sir, I know you are ordained, but it is worthless–worthless, I tell you!–without this here certification. You pay me–us, I mean us!–to thoroughly vet your credentials by answering certain questions and the such. We also will come to a service and ensure that all is, um, certifiable. This will be good for five years, at which time you may renew for an additional fee.Our current certification fee is $500. Just think, for just $500, you are certifiably…certifiably…you are a certified ordained minister. It makes you superior in every way.