Since choosing to surrender my COG credentials to work at an independent church, I’ve been treated with hostility and/or given the cold shoulder by leaders in the COG. I’ve had other pastors tell me that less than flattering things have been said about myself and 5 other men who have left the COG and indicated that they were more or less told to not have contact with us. Something seems terribly wrong and unscriptural about this. I’ve heard it for years from others who had left the COG. It seems you leave and you are labeled as unfit for the Kingdom. What does the Bible say something like this? Mark 9:38-41comes to mind: “Teacher,†said John, “we saw someone driving out demons in your name and we told him to stop because he was not one of us.†“Do not stop him,†Jesus said. “For no one who does a miracle in my name can in the next moment say anything bad about me, for whoever is not against us is for us. Truly I tell you, anyone who gives you a cup of water in my name because you belong to the Messiah will certainly not lose their reward.
AMAZING, just amazing how (UN)-Christian some Christians can be. My best to you my brother as you navigate waters you never expected to.I do not feel like you are abandoning a sinking ship, because the COG is not sinking as many think, but our ship is in need of many repairs, if not paid attention to, it could be a sinking ship.That said my friend, ignorance is the finger on the trigger of those who snipe and it is a shame.Love from North Carolina________________Some facts but mostly just my [email protected]/
Re: Why the hostility?
Darrell,This may not be the case here – but I can only speak to my experience.Often we hear things from those that are in the know that aren’t exactly true. Folks are embellishing. I question whether less than flattering things have been said – and if they were – perhaps it was just a flippant remark and didn’t really mean anything – much like NBF does too often.As for the cold shoulder – maybe they just don’t know what to say to you since you left. What did you say to them to let them know there are no hard feelings? Or did you say anything – since maybe there are hard feelings – you did leave afterall.Anyway I think it’s best to believe the best in folks in situations like this – rather than go around thinking those that you used to work with are losers and don’t live out the Bible like they should________________
Darrell,This may not be the case here – but I can only speak to my experience.Often we hear things from those that are in the know that aren’t exactly true. Folks are embellishing. I question whether less than flattering things have been said – and if they were – perhaps it was just a flippant remark and didn’t really mean anything – much like NBF does too often.As for the cold shoulder – maybe they just don’t know what to say to you since you left. What did you say to them to let them know there are no hard feelings? Or did you say anything – since maybe there are hard feelings – you did leave afterall.Anyway I think it’s best to believe the best in folks in situations like this – rather than go around thinking those that you used to work with are losers and don’t live out the Bible like they should.
OK they’re losers and don’t live out the Bible like they should.I would check into the revoked thing – should be easy to ask the question and get an answer from HQ. It is about you so they should have no problem giving the answer________________
I hold no hostility towards you whatsoever. You have walked through a door that you believe God has opened for you. I would focus my attention on the windshield and not the rear view mirror my friend. Paul and Barnabas parted ways but they both enjoyed their own success. Later it appears there was a reconciliation where John Mark was concerned.If you’re not careful, this whole situation will cause a root of bitterness to spring up. You don’t want to carry that baggage into this new assignment of yours. I know firsthand the feeling of betrayal by close friends so I’m speaking from a place of empathy! Rest assured that the One who knows all things is well aware of any injustice you may have suffered. Sometimes I think that is all part of this calling. One way or another, we are going to identify with the sufferings of Christ. He was rejected, misunderstood, criticized, and in the end….abandoned by all. Paul made similar statements in his second letter to Timothy (Demas hath forsaken me…..only Luke is with me)
Darrell…some thoughts…
When someone leaves a denomination, it can feel a bit like a divorce. When Kevin Wallace left to go independent, while it might have been the case that he truly felt to go in another direction (and I have no reason to doubt him), it can be hurtful, can still feel a bit like a betrayal.When someone has been given all sorts of opportunities and platforms and prominence and the such, but then leaves anyway, it’s not going to be well-received in many circles. Just play this out in the local church…. Someone who has been given breaks and mentoring and position…then decides to head down the road to either work in or start up a church…it’s is NOT going to go over well.Yes, those outside the church–and especially outside the leadership of that church–can make all sorts of comments about how the pastor is not being kingdom-minded and the such…until it comes home to roost in their church.So, Darrell, while I absolutely get why some can feel hurt or betrayed or at least let down by your decision, YOU still much do what you believe God wants you to do. Same with Kevin Wallace and others. Yes, we may hurt a bit, feel like we got thrown under the bus, got left for someone younger and prettier, but that’s US. All you can do is control what YOU do.A cousin of mine divorced a guy that we well-liked by the whole family. At first, I stayed in touch. But eventually, especially when she married someone else, it not only became somewhat awkward to stay in touch, but that void was filled by a new member in the family. It works the same way with pastors. If you leave a church, sometimes the folks will feel that they are being scorned, tossed aside while the pastor goes on to better things. A denomination can do that too, unfortunately. At the same time, I know you are not naive enough to think that everything would continue as before. I dare say that even you, good a man as you are, might have had some friends who left the Church of God…and you didn’t find it as needful to stay in touch as often as you did before.I think that is part of the calculus one has to consider when leaving the Church of God. As best as I have been able to observe, the warmth of the fellowship of Church of God pastors is virtually unique among denominations. We are in many ways a real family–and it was even closer than that back in the day with district meetings and the such. When someone leaves, it can feel as if they have decided to marry into another family. And so we turn our attentions back to those who are still in the family…while perhaps nursing some hurts over a minister’s departure.
So I was raised COG. I graduated Lee (Darryl, you and I attended there at the same time), and then moved on to the Theological Seminary (although I only attended 1 year).I served faithfully in the COG for 21 years before leaving the denomination about 6 years ago. I left on good terms at my own discretion. I met with my state leaders and shared why. Since then I have not heard 1 word from the denomination, but I didn’t expect to. I was not in the political arena…never liked that stuff. The titanic doesn’t turn fast enough for me. I didn’t want to be 70 and still trying to get the COG to think outside the box or realize there was a box and there was a bigger world outside it.I never heard from the COG
Years ago I posted the following info so I won’t go into details.I too left the CoG & was immediately blackballed by several whom I had grown up with & by some whom I looked up to.After 15 years I came back & it was rough for quite a while in terms of acceptance. One state leader said he was in a convo about me where it was stated give him enough time & he’ll bolt out of here again hahahahaI’ve now been back for 19 years & it’s much better than it was the first 10 years of my 19.Oddly enough I still have many great friends who encouraged me when I accepted the pastorate in the CoG again. In fact I didn’t lose one of those friends.The CoG can be an odd place to minister at times, she’s cranky, friendly & full of cliques in many places. If I were to leave the West coast I’m sure I would face some challenges________________Empty nest syndrome is for the birds!Email me at: [email protected] planters are focused on just one thing …introducing people to Jesus!
Some points to ponder
Here’s some points to ponder:First – If you choose to leave a pastorate of a church, or choose to withdraw from a denomination – its a two way street – the emotions you are feeling may reflect the since of rejection they are feeling – you see the circumstance of your departure from your perspective and they from theirs. The relationships are changed – and you had a part in changing them.Second – While expressing the failures of the denomination (in this case COG), you are including everybody in it. Your friends who remain are being asked to continue to support you while you continue to express why you needed to leave them and how blessed you are not being a part of them. From either side it takes time to work through and realign our emotions. Third – If you’re following God’s will for your ministry, what does the COG have to do with you any more? Its you history, not your reality.Last – Like any denomination, there are cultural and polity traits passed down from generation to generation. The COG has always had a pension for being combative and litigious with those who they cannot control. It is a paradox that there are wonderful people in the COG, it has accomplished much from its beginnings, but you don’t want to cross them. I think it may be the DNA of J. S. Lewellyn in their body.
Never understood the need for hostility. I hate it when people leave our church but do it ugly. It is like they celebrate being destructive. On the other end I believe you can leave a denomination without being ugly on either side. I did my best not to be hostile when I left, but if you get asked why you left, then your answer my come across as hostile even if you didn’t mean it to be hostile. It was just your reason. I’ve done my best to honor the no contact order in our State accept for still being cordial with friends in the state. I still love the COG and hope the best for it. I’ve been shocked at things I’ve heard has been said about me, but I know the truth and I can live with that. I have no desire to be hostile or destructive. I’m to the place I know leaving was right for me and I believe Administration who say they believe I should be gone. Lol Years has made it easier, but was one of the hardest decisions ever. I have always said I would not want the job of the AB. I’m sure I would make decisions that I thoughts was right that others would completely disagree with. Something I would try to do as an AB is be respectful and honest with churches and ministers. I would try not to be hostile or disrespectful to people that has given their lives to God and his church________________
People who turn their back on you like that
They were never really with you. They weren’t really your friends. Trust the ones who treat you the same way they’ve always treated you________________