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I imagine that many of us have had dealings with bosses or co-workers that are just abrasive. Here are a few thoughts (if you can use them)….Abrasiveness is NOT assertiveness. Many people mistake the two. But one is needless, while the other is needed.Abrasiveness will often get results the first few times around. But abrasiveness eventually causes even mild-mannered people to bristle and to either refuse to cooperate at all, raise a ruckus, or to blatantly or subtly sabotage things. Abrasiveness thinks that to smile or be friendly is to show weakness. Assertiveness can use a smile or friendliness to soften a blow, even if one must absolutely insist on a matter.There is a place for abrasiveness. But it is well up the escalation list. People who don’t understand this will often start out with abrasiveness, and quickly have run out of anything else they CAN escalate to.Abrasiveness, even if it does not use these words, comes across as You WILL…! While assertiveness, if done right, should come across as Would you please make sure to…?Assertiveness does not hide from confrontation, but does not seek it either. Abrasiveness often enjoys confrontation and even actively seeks it.It’s easier to retreat from an incorrect assertive action than it is from an incorrect abrasive action.Assertiveness and abrasiveness share a common border, it seems, but are not the same thing.