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I read a statistic online recently that in the US, only 3% of people who got married the first time were virgins at marriage. Most of these were very religious (and I mean that in the normal English language way, not the Evangelical redefinition of the word.) Probably, most of those 3% are active in church. Some of them may be in other religions.Why is that number so low? I know about the sexual revolution and the pro-fornication stance of the news and entertainment media. But about a third of the country identify as 'born again Christians.' So the question is, why are so many US youth being influenced more by the world on this issue than by the church? Why are there so many teen pregnancies in church?I have read a bit about 'Purity' movements, sometimes from detractors. There are ministries that get young people to make a promise and wear a promise ring indicating a promise not to have sex before marriage. There is a church subculture, based on certain books and teachings, that teach young people to court with an intent to marriage and not to date. I have read complains about a teaching that if you have a dating relationship before marriage, or even have romantic feelings for someone, you loose a part of your soul.I grew up hearing teaching against fornication and adultery, like many Christians did. I had a youth pastor who taught a series on the subject that felt like it took years, when I was about 12 years old. He preached against light petting and heavy petting. I didn't even know what that stuff was before that. He had a whole youth service dedicated to the topics of masturbation and homosexuality (the sermon that is). Maybe some of the other youth in Evangelicalism or the Pentecostal movement weren't taught in so much detail. I don't know how much of my values or determination were formed at that time, but I did wait until I got married.So did my wife. She was raised in Indonesia. I hear fornication is a growing problem in Jakarta among the youth, but the expectation that the married be virgins at marriage is still high, and seems to be more so in the villages especially. Why can a predominantly Mus|im country where individuals have a high degree of freedom, where abortion is illegal, have fewer babies, percentage-wise, born out of wedlock than the US, which has so many professing Christians? According to worldfamilymap.ifstudies.org/2014/articles/world-family-indicators/family-structurein 2001, 41% of births in the US were of children born outside of wedlock. In Indonesia, it was 3%.How can Christians turn the tide in society? Or, maybe more importantly, how can we start to turn the tide in the church? How can we start a trend where, at least among those raised in church, that virginity at marriage is the norm?Is it a matter of persuading Christians to stop watching TV and going to the movies?Should the main approach be that of instructing young people at a young enough age in Biblical sexual ethics?What about giving parents and other adults a proper Biblical 'sex education'? How can churches work together so that this is a national trend, and not just some good teaching and some good results in one church?IMO, if we focus on teaching young people, we should also teach them to be good spouses, not just in regard to sexual morality before and after marriage, but in every area of their lives. It is also important to teach young people how to find good quality spouses

Great post Link. I have many thoughts and will revisit this subject but due to time constraints now will say one of the first steps is to humble ourselves (as the church) and admit we have a serious issues in regards to our spiritual health. We know alcoholics or drug addicts must first admit he or she is an alcoholic as a first step to becoming healthy. One must look at objective facts from lab test, meet with the doctor and admit changes are necessary to improve physical health.

Very good post Link. As an old man who remembers when MOST folk were virgin when they married, the present day (my family included) is hard to fathom. Answer? The Lord of course, but most of the kids out there who are sexually active do not attend church where they might be taught. They also learn from their parents..... Shame.. Some facts but mostly just my [email protected]/

It really bothers me to know that a lot of kids who grow up in church and adults who go to church fornicate, too. My guess is a lot of those virgins-at-marriage are church going folks, but what about the ones who grew up in church and weren't virgins at marriage? How can we chance the church culture first

It really bothers me to know that a lot of kids who grow up in church and adults who go to church fornicate, too. My guess is a lot of those virgins-at-marriage are church going folks, but what about the ones who grew up in church and weren't virgins at marriage? How can we chance the church culture first? Very good question, and I certainly do not have the answer. We tried to set an example and point out the down side. In love and as less confrontational as possible, /Did not work. Some facts but mostly just my [email protected]/

It really bothers me to know that a lot of kids who grow up in church and adults who go to church fornicate, too. My guess is a lot of those virgins-at-marriage are church going folks, but what about the ones who grew up in church and weren't virgins at marriage? How can we chance the church culture first? Very good question, and I certainly do not have the answer. We tried to set an example and point out the down side. In love and as less confrontational as possible, /Did not work. Love doesn't have to be nonconfrontational. Confrontational love may be a better approach. I think a key is to start really young. I've been teaching my children about these things from the time they were small. I don't go into too much detail about some aspects of sexuality when they are small, but they have a general idea of what it is.Moses said that the law was to be read to all Israelites, babies and up. The Victorian ethic that teaches not to discuss sexual matters in front of children, can be a hindrence in a church context. Parents need to teach the children, and so does the church.Adults are a big problem. A lot of adults know better, but still fornicate before marriage

I think it also helps to have some non-religious ethical arguments against fornication that young people can relate to. 1. If a man and woman have sex, it can result in pregnancy.2. Children raised in one parent homes are at a disadvantage.3. Some women have the doctor murder the baby in their womb.Under point 1, one can explain that historically, there hasn't been very effective birth control. And condoms are 90 something percent effective. If a dating couple had sex enough, the chances of getting pregnant are the same as not using birth control at all.For point 2, there are plenty of statistics about children raised without parents in the home, the lower grades, higher chances of crime, higher chance of teen pregnancy. If it is presented properly and with the proper sensitivity, children in single parent homes may relate to this and think they don't want to put their own children in that situation. Point 3 might be a better argument for the young men, who need to realize if they have sex, the girl they had sex with could have their own child murdered, and legally, there is nothing they can do about it. If they have a heart and were raised learning that abortion is murder, that can be a powerful argument. The conclusion is that it just makes sense to save sex for marriage. Sex is serious. It can result in children, and raising children well is a huge responsibility. God wasn't just trying to stop young people from having fun.It's a logical, mostly non-religious, argument against fornication. But it doesn't apply to all the other stuff besides intercourse

Link, the arguments raised are just not convincing in our culture. Many abortions that are done are done on women who are married. Legally, being married doesn't give a husband any more say over whether his baby is aborted than if he is only a boyfriend. Many more women are using IUD's or the Pill which prevent pregnancies much better than condoms. (I'm not making a comment here on the ethics of either of these methods.) Single parenthood does not necessarily follow; people are having babies and raising them together and maybe getting married at some point eventually.Since cohabitation before marriage has become socially acceptable in the US, I can point out quite a few people I know who have been in long-term marriages (like 17 years to over 30 years, for example) who cohabited first. These are people who are committed and faithful to their families.

That one is very true Bonnie. And it is a shame, I would think otherwise but I know marriage is not looked on or at, like it was years ago. Some facts but mostly just my [email protected]/

If you believe you can trust statistics, George Barna reports only 9% of born-again adults in the U.S. have a Biblical world-view.This means 91% of born-again in the U.S. hold non-Biblical core values and beliefs resulting in non-Biblical attitudes, decisions and actions.If true, then there can be a significant number of born-again adults in the U.S. who do not hold to sexual purity as a core value, do not model sexual purity in the home, and thereby allow the world's standards shape the sexual values, attitudes, and actions God-HonoringChrist-CenteredBible-BasedSpirit-Led