First, I know that I always did better--at least for the next few minutes--after I got a spanking from my dad. I can still remember getting a spanking on the front porch of the old Murphy Church of God (NC) as the singers sang Give Me That Old Time Religion. My dad was the evangelist...but he, um, made time for me right during the altar service.Now, more seriously....I have found that if you are too soft and gentle, you can wind up allowing things to go in directions you would not have preferred. Or, for that matter, in not much of a direction at all. A pastor must have some sort of drive in some direction (we tend to call this vision, but in most cases it's not really a vision, I don't think; rather it is a PREFERENCE, though often based on good faith and intelligence). A pastor must be willing to say what is needed. For instance, there have been time when, in the interest of not pushing someone too hard, or not wanting to hurt feelings, I have likely been too easy going...allowing things to go on until they HAD to be dealt with. The bad news is that it was permitted to go on until I HAD to deal with it...the good news is--assuming this is good news--I didn't have to get blood on my hands, but rather let events move a person on or out. That can be of benefit in that it allows you to continue having some connection. I just hate to hurt folks' feelings when I believe they are doing the best they can. (For instance, lets say you have a Sunday School teacher who doesn't too a great job, but is the one who is faithful to do it week after week...and no one else much wants to do it--or is even worse. You want to tell him/her that they simply have got to move up a level...but they often have no real concept of what the means. I have been at the mercy of teachers who, some former pastor, years before, put them teaching the Adult SS after being saved about six months. Good intentions...poor results. But by waiting, they were moved on providentially--perhaps God knew I didn't know exactly how to handle it?)On the other hand, you can be too hard. You can be a pastor that has something to say about EVERYTHING, micro-managing the life out of matters. You can have an attitude of I'm the pastor, I have the vision, do it my way or else. Never works out good, I don't think. Those with sense, leave; those without sense, stay...and so a church become run by folks who don't have an drive beyond that of the pastor. So, when the pastor eventually leaves...it is just about over for the church. Many years ago, I read of some guru, in response to a protégé (NOT a mentee--whatever that is!) having a good idea, said, Why should I have all the good ideas? Indeed, pastor, you may have some ideas, you may have to shepherd ideas to keep them between the lines, but other folks are going to have ideas and visions, too. If you keep steamrolling their vision with yours, they will eventually leave it ALL up to you. Often such pastors can become somewhat dictatorial. There are people who seem to thrive in such environments--maybe they need such a strong hand? But others will wilt. They are simply not going to waste their time in an environment where no one is encouraged to step out on their own.Now, the next is likely neither here nor there regarding this, but I have simply tried to make sure that our church is stressing what God is blessing. Our (initially) white, somewhat elderly congregation has become a growing haven for the young African American children of the neighborhood. Go figure! But if God is blessing it, we are stressing it. Yes, some come initially for the snacks we serve during mid-week. But sooner or later, they are coming for kid's choir practice, to beat on the drums, to be with their friends, etc. They are slowly building, it seems, around the our church--just as many of us did as young people. They'll come by during the week and ask for a cookie...or if they can wash our car for a couple of bucks, etc. I get a whole lot done that I don't feel energetic enough to do by giving these kids a couple of bucks apiece to pulls vines, pick up any wayward trash, etc. You don't know how good it does me to hear some 7-year-old child say, Pastor, can I...? I have one kid--oh, my goodness, was he a mean mess when he started--about 7-years-old, I guess, who shows up religiously every Sunday morning because he is an usher who receives the offering. And at kid's choir, he doesn't sing, but my wife bought him a little drum from a garage sell...and he watches my brother drumming and hammers away--and he's not half bad!I have had to verbally spank those kids a number of times. But because it is done in true love--I mess up in a million different ways, I'm sure; but I do know that I love those kids--they keep right on coming back. Maybe it's because it's better than anything going on at home, but either way, we believe the Lord is touching them.
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